How To Not Attack Your Partner During Conflict
In your relationship, whenever there’s a conflict, do you try and beat your partner emotionally? If they say something that you don’t like, then you say something back. People find themselves keeping score and keeping count like a boxing match. Think about the last conversation you had with your partner; did you keep score? If it is, then let’s take a walk together. At the end of this blog, you should be doing something different.
Why would you keep score in your relationship? Often, when we keep score with our partner, it has to do with our self-confidence, pride, and our ego. If your partner says something about you that you don’t like, it can hurt like bee stings. Even if the statement is correct, you can find yourself struggling with the idea of accepting it.
Instead, you break your partner down for something that happened years ago instead of facing the mirror’s reflection. You’ve done it before, and you know them well; you know exactly what will hurt them the most. You know in your core that you’re in the wrong. However, it’s easier to hide that from yourself than hear it from someone else. So, it’s essential to understand why we do what we do. This understanding will lay a foundation for us to make a change as we go forward.
In this situation, you need to acknowledge time. Acknowledge that someone took time out of their day to bring something up to you. It’s beautiful that someone would take time out of their day to tell you to get better. There’s always the avenue to attack and be defensive. While on the other hand, someone is asking you to be a better person.
Think of a kid who is playing baseball; his grip on the bat is significantly loose. If you know baseball, you want a tight grip on the bat. So, the coach pulls the kid aside and tells him to tighten his hands. The kid can get upset and angry. Or he thinks about how special it is that the coach took time out of his day to help him get better and transform into the incredible person he can be. This is precisely what happens in your relationship. There’s always the avenue to attack and be defensive. However, you can think that someone is looking after you, and they want you to be a better version of yourself.
Humans want to grow in some way. To get away from negative thoughts, play positive thoughts. Ask yourself, what type of person do you want to be? If your partner was rude, ask them to give you the same message, but with kindness. It’s time to show up and try for your relationship. Think about how you can be accountable and vulnerable in your relationship.
Check out my course, Create Healthy Ways To Respect Each Other And Resolve Conflict In Your Relationship.
Santos Counseling PLLC is located in Greensboro, North Carolina. Start your counseling journey, check out the amazing counselors, and see which one is a good fit for you here: https://www.santoscounseling.com.
Join my FREE email list to gain the skills to overcome relationship issues and improve companionship.
Lastly, follow @santos_counseling on Instagram for relationship tools and resources.