What vulnerabilities do you find in the relationship?
Vulnerabilities in this reading can be defined as weak points or areas that often result in negative outcomes or processes. As an example: consider a couple’s ability to resolve a problem. If one partner during the process of problem solving is always connecting the current issue to past resolved issues, then the process of solving the problem and achieving a solution is negatively impacted. Or if a partner uses demeaning words versus supportive and constructive language.
The process of identifying and healing from vulnerabiltiies directly supports couples who are stuck, enaged in conflict, or who have experienced infidelity.
I want to share a case example so that you are able to apply it to your relationship.
Peter shared that his partner during last night’s argument called him out for not texting during his lunch break. Peter shared that his partner said, “you not texting me is exactly like what you used to do in the past when I wouldn’t hear from you all day”. Peter shared that later on the way home he called his partner and apologized by saying, “I’m sorry for not texting you today during lunch I completely got caught up with work”. Peter assumed that the issue was put to rest. Later in the evening, Peter’s partner felt that the action of not texting mirrored what Peter used to do when the affair took place. Peter tried to tell his partner that he was sincerely sorry, and his action is not a reflection of the past.
In the case example you can identify that Peter’s action of not texting that day, resulted in his partner reaching into the past. It is important to be understanding to both sides before reacting.
Peter’s partner more than likely reacted sensitively to the issue due to:
(a) the triggers connected to the affair
(b) a history of the relationship struggling with the very issue being discussed.
Peter in addition reacted sensitively due to not wanting to hurt or damage the relationship in any manner.
If you find youself in a similar situation, take time to expres your position without negatively reacting to your partner. Take time to cerbally share with your partner what you learned from vulnerabilities and the case study. In addition, focus on reaching deep into the relationship to identify furhter vulnerabilities.
The positive that can be taken away from exploring vulnerabilities is that once you identify the vulnerability, you can work to resolve it. This process will work to improve the relationship and heal wounds.
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